Drunk Dialing & Air Mattresses

I wasn't old enough to get drunk before cell phones existed, but I imagine when you got wasted and wanted to bother someone you just bothered the person closest to you.  Cell phones started this drunk dialing phenomenon almost instantly, making booty calls and love confessions dangerously accessible.  The only person who enjoys drunk dialing is the drunk.  Nobody cares what you have to say at 4 a.m. when you can barely even walk much less construct a coherent sentence. 

Flattered by Flatulence

The first glance.  The first hand-hold.  The first kiss.  The first date.  The first time. 

There are many important firsts in a relationship, but some are more meaningful than others.  My favorite first has got to be the first fart. 

The first fart may or may not be intentional.  It could happen while sitting on a couch watching a movie and someone lets one rip then laughs with a sort of pride about their own fart.  This is usually the way that first farts happen when you are in high school or dating college boys…or just immature men, of which, I assure you I am an expert.  When you get older, wiser, more mature, and all the other good things that supposedly come with age, the first fart usually happens in a different, albeit, more embarrassing way.  It may happen on accident like when you are sitting on someone’s lap, and despite your impressive sphincter control, you laugh too hard and it pops right out.  It might happen because of that ethnic food you insisted on trying for your date because you were trying to be exotic and exciting.