Closet Hotties and Used to be Fatties

My gay best friend, Joey, and I were talking about boys recently.  This is a stupid sentence because Joey and I are always talking about boys; either boys or how we have no money and really need to stop drinking so much.  I was talking about one of my new crushes and he said “Don’t be offended by this, but he is kind of a Closet Hottie”

 I am not sure that “Closet” Hottie is the right term, maybe Undercover Hottie; it’s not like he is trying to hide his hotness.  But, Joey’s point was that this guy is hot, but not in an obvious way that would get girls to stop in the street and drop their panties when he walks by.   He went on to say that there are two types of hot guys that he really loves: Closet Hotties and Used to be Fatties. 

Used to be Fatties have so many self-esteem and body dysmorphia issues that they don’t realize they have outgrown their pudginess and are now indeed, really hot.  They are usually pretty humble and super stoked that they bagged you.  Closet Hotties are also fairly humble because they don’t know that arrogance would actually be accepted due to their amazing face.  The worst thing in the world is being with a guy who knows he is hot.  Actually, the worst thing is being with a guy who thinks he is hot.  Guys like this take videos of themselves doing stupid things in the gym and send them to you like you should be impressed.  

This actually happened to me.  A shirtless gym video of some sort of pull-ups. Unsolicited. 

I saved it and will save it forever because nothing else will ever make me laugh harder.  

Please note the Heavy Metal music in the background, and my favorite part…the clap at the end.  I hope I don’t get sued for this.